It happened again tonight. I was doing work and chatting with a friend on Facebook when I felt a crushing tightness in my chest and I suddenly couldn't breathe. I panicked, grabbed my inhaler and a water bottle, and left my room.
I didn't make it twenty feet before I collapsed against the wall in the hallway. One of my friends heard me gasping for air and he rushed out of his room and called campus safety right away.
Writing about it now I just feel like crying because not being able to breathe is just about the scariest feeling in the world. I felt like I was dying, could hardly sit up...used my inhaler which helped a little bit but then my hands tightened up from a lack of of carbon dioxide in my blood, so I couldn't use it again.
All the while I felt like my chest was being crushed...no matter how much air I tried to get into my lungs, it didn't seem to be working.
The campus safety officer called the paramedics and they gave me an oxygen mask. They wanted me to go to the hospital because my heart-rate and blood pressure were really high, and my breathing had improved a little but it was still labored.
I didn't want to cause drama though, and after about fifteen minutes of the oxygen mask and three more uses of my inhaler, I felt like I could breathe again.
All of this happened about two hours ago and I'm afraid to tell my mom again. I will tell her...but I just can't bear to tell her now.
And yet I'm scared that it will happen again, out of the blue like it did tonight. What if my friend hadn't heard me, hadn't come out into the hallway? What would have happened if I was out there alone?
I went to the health center this morning and got some more steroids to take...they help tremendously, but what if they don't do enough? The nurse practitioner I saw thought that this whole thing might have something to do with my lungs...and lungs are kind of necessary for life. I'm scared and I don't know how to handle this.
And I still have a lab report to write that's due tomorrow, and final exams start on Friday. I just want to break down and cry. I wish everything could be easier again, wish I didn't have to go through this. I'm scared, so scared, and I feel so alone right now and so overwhelmed about everything.
I'm trying to keep it together but I feel like the world is crashing down around me and there's nothing I can do.